Comments on: Have You Hit the Dating Wall of Doom? http://www.abiggerpond.com/2010/06/have-you-hit-the-dating-wall-of-doom/ Stop Playing Small Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:26:06 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Sandy Weiner http://www.abiggerpond.com/2010/06/have-you-hit-the-dating-wall-of-doom/comment-page-1/#comment-600 Sandy Weiner Mon, 05 Sep 2011 16:42:33 +0000 http://www.abiggerpond.com/?p=929#comment-600 You sound like a wonderful person, someone who is self-aware, beautiful with a full life. But I think you took my blog post a little out of context.<br><br>I feel that self-love needs to come before finding the 'one'. I was addressing the many people who think that a mate will 'complete' them. This is a fallacy, and sets people up for a failed relationship or marriage.<br><br>When you are confident and fulfilled, you don't come into a relationship with a neediness, the expectation that someone else will fulfill your basic needs.<br><br>However, knowing and loving yourself is just the first step in finding love. There are many next steps. <br><br>First, you're looking for someone very special, not the average 'Joe'. That includes a sifting process. And you sometimes need to date a lot of men in order to find that someone special.<br><br>Second, you might be attracting the wrong guys. Or you may be saying or doing things that are keeping the right guys from being attracted to you.<br><br>As a dating coach at <a href="http://www.lastfirstdate.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.lastfirstdate.com</a>, I help women find that soul mate through a step by step process.<br><br>If you're interested in a complimentary 1/2 hour consultation, please contact me at sandy@lastfirstdate:disqus .com<br><br>I wish for you the love you deserve,<br><br>Sandy<br> You sound like a wonderful person, someone who is self-aware, beautiful with a full life. But I think you took my blog post a little out of context.

I feel that self-love needs to come before finding the 'one'. I was addressing the many people who think that a mate will 'complete' them. This is a fallacy, and sets people up for a failed relationship or marriage.

When you are confident and fulfilled, you don't come into a relationship with a neediness, the expectation that someone else will fulfill your basic needs.

However, knowing and loving yourself is just the first step in finding love. There are many next steps. 

First, you're looking for someone very special, not the average 'Joe'. That includes a sifting process. And you sometimes need to date a lot of men in order to find that someone special.

Second, you might be attracting the wrong guys. Or you may be saying or doing things that are keeping the right guys from being attracted to you.

As a dating coach at http://www.lastfirstdate.com, I help women find that soul mate through a step by step process.

If you're interested in a complimentary 1/2 hour consultation, please contact me at sandy@lastfirstdate:disqus .com

I wish for you the love you deserve,

Sandy

]]> By: anon http://www.abiggerpond.com/2010/06/have-you-hit-the-dating-wall-of-doom/comment-page-1/#comment-599 anon Tue, 26 Jul 2011 12:33:55 +0000 http://www.abiggerpond.com/?p=929#comment-599 yes, everyone says this.. but 99% of people are not that independent in today's society that they can live without a mate or even date.<br>I have been single all my life.. and until the last few years, have been fine with it because I've always worked on "improving myself" - the mantra of today's Generation Y. But really? If most of my girl friends had to work on "improving themselves" for 25 years, without a boyfriend, I think they'd start to feel some serious insecurity and depression set in. And so I am. Subconsciously it sets in and you can't really help it. <br><br>There's nothing glaringly wrong with me at all. I'm a professional model & law student in Toronto. I've "worked on myself' but no one appreciates. I don't know what else to do. It sounds so easy, as all the Cosmopolitan articles drip with the same hackneyed advice, time in and out - "just work on yoursefl! A happy person makes a great partner!" <br><br>Except when you're nearing 30 or even late 20s and realize the prospect that you may never really find a partner. And when you're on a date and your date asks when your last relationship was, and you're struggling to find an answer because you can't remember. <br><br>How exactly do you explain that, or deal with it? Not sure if self-love can always compensate. yes, everyone says this.. but 99% of people are not that independent in today's society that they can live without a mate or even date.
I have been single all my life.. and until the last few years, have been fine with it because I've always worked on “improving myself” – the mantra of today's Generation Y. But really? If most of my girl friends had to work on “improving themselves” for 25 years, without a boyfriend, I think they'd start to feel some serious insecurity and depression set in. And so I am. Subconsciously it sets in and you can't really help it.

There's nothing glaringly wrong with me at all. I'm a professional model & law student in Toronto. I've “worked on myself' but no one appreciates. I don't know what else to do. It sounds so easy, as all the Cosmopolitan articles drip with the same hackneyed advice, time in and out – “just work on yoursefl! A happy person makes a great partner!”

Except when you're nearing 30 or even late 20s and realize the prospect that you may never really find a partner. And when you're on a date and your date asks when your last relationship was, and you're struggling to find an answer because you can't remember.

How exactly do you explain that, or deal with it? Not sure if self-love can always compensate.

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