I have been a member of four online dating sites, and here’s one thing they all have in common: profiles that are horrific. It is rare to read a profile essay that is well-crafted, engaging, and describes the unique qualities of a person. It’s bad enough when someone posts photos that are unflattering, fuzzy, lifted from their driver’s license (this is true!), or shows them holding an alcoholic beverage, embracing a member of the opposite sex, perhaps even in their wedding photo (again, not kidding).
To illustrate my point, here are some actual profile essays.
1. Divorced, Man seeking a Woman
For: Marriage, A long-term relationship
50 years old
About Me
im easy going, down to earth. enjoy hanging out drinking coffee driving
2. Divorced, Man seeking a Woman
For: A date, Friend
53 years old
About Me
Loves Sushi, Yankees and laying out by the pool in no particular order…Passionate about my family, reading good books, traveling and animals.
3. Divorced woman, seeking a man
For: Marriage, a long-term relationship
47 years old
About Me
I am single, confident, comfortable with my current life and would like to share it with someone else as well. I would like to meet a man who knows how to treat a woman.My career is important to me. But I do believe everything in life should be balanced and in moderation. My family and friends are important to me and I enjoy spending time with them.My ideal match is someone who enjoys life, family and friends, is socially responsible, enjoys the little things in life and loves to laugh.
What’s wrong with these essays? I will illustrate with a before and after.
1. Before: im easy going, down to earth. enjoy hanging out drinking coffee driving
What’s wrong? I don’t know much about this guy except that he writes run-on sentences and has a typo in the first word. He says nothing specific about himself except that he likes coffee (yawn), hanging out (double yawn) and driving (wow!). Words like easy going and down to earth don’t say much about him as an individual. Here’s an example as to how he might describe himself a little better.
After: I love traveling to less-known destinations in my red convertible, top down, a cup of iced Columbian roast in my cup holder, ACDC blasting from my car speakers.
2. Before: Loves Sushi, Yankees and laying out by the pool in no particular order…Passionate about my family, reading good books, traveling and animals.
What’s wrong? This essay has complete sentences, is less generic, but still says very little about the person and what’s important to him.
After: On summer weekends, you can find me lounging poolside, reading the latest James Patterson novel. I love spicy mayo with tuna sashimi, and would enjoy sipping saki with a lovely woman. I’m just as comfortable eating a hot dog at a Yankees game as I am sharing a gourmet steak dinner with my three grown kids.
3. Before: I am single, confident, comfortable with my current life and would like to share it with someone else as well. I would like to meet a man who knows how to treat a woman.My career is important to me. But I do believe everything in life should be balanced and in moderation. My family and friends are important to me and I enjoy spending time with them.My ideal match is someone who enjoys life, family and friends, is socially responsible, enjoys the little things in life and loves to laugh.
What’s wrong? I am single? Why else would you be on this site? Confident? Show, don’t tell. Say something with confidence. I would like to meet a man who knows how to treat a woman. Be specific. Also sounds a little demanding. Has this woman been treated poorly by a man? Makes you wonder. My career is important to me. Why? What do like about your career. You get the drift; be specific, be interesting, set yourself apart by stating what makes you unique.
After: I know what music I like, but don’t ask me the names of any songs. I got a BFA in fine art and illustrated two whimsical children’s books. I enjoy fiction, such as the dating profiles of ex-boyfriends, and mysteries, such as whatever happened to those ex-boyfriends. I own an Alaskan Husky, and love blue eyes on humans, too. I’m happy with my job as an interior designer, but family comes first. I love to take off for some R & R, and enjoy a bike ride in Central Park as much as dining on sushi in SOHO. I inherited my mom’s green eyes and my grandmother’s ability to cook a mean pot roast. I can prepare chicken ten different ways and hardly ever use recipes. My friends come to me for advice, my kids come to me for spending money, and if you play your cards right, you’ll be invited to barbecued steak dinner at my place, serenaded by my ipod playing Pink Floyd. Or was that The Who?
Don’t you get a better sense of who this woman is? See her sense of humor without her telling you that she’s funny? See that she likes her job without telling you that, and that she values family by her actions. Much more powerful.
Online profiles are the first impression you make on a dating site. So, if you are tired of attracting the wrong types of people and you want better results, write a compelling essay.
If you can’t write your own, consider hiring a professional. To find out more about my online profile writing services, please feel free to contact me at sandy@abiggerpond.com.
