Mae West may have come across as a blonde bombshell, but the above quote is anything but ditzy. In the throes of a breakup, it may be difficult to see the silver lining, but when the dust settles, there is usually a better ending in store. I think that is true for most things. One door closes, another opens. Change can be hard, but it usually prepares us for a better outcome. We just might not see it at the time.
A client had been losing sleep over a relationship. The man she was dating had gone from passionate to passive in the course of a few weeks. His texts had transformed from flirty to newsy. She feared that he was ‘off the ride’, no longer interested or able to sustain a relationship. But in spite of her nagging feeling of doom, she was afraid to broach the subject. This is common in the dating world. Feelings can be uneven, communication can be poor, people jump to conclusions and are afraid to ask what’s really going on. I feel that it’s worse to assume than to check things out. The truth is always better, even if it hurts.
I encouraged my client to communicate her observation about the shift in the relationship and to ask her guy for his side of the story. Sure enough, he said he was emotionally unavailable at this time to sustain a relationship with her. Ouch. The truth stings. But it was no surprise. He had given every indication that he was not there for her. She had a hard time accepting this truth because of the wonderful emotional connection they had forged.
And while my client is devastated at the loss of this relationship, ultimately, with the passing of time, she will be able to understand the wisdom of Mae West, “Don’t cry for a man who’s left you, the next one may fall for your smile.”
Truth is, this man didn’t appreciate her from day one. He didn’t pay for her on the very first date. He claimed poverty, yet was always impeccably dressed. She often made the 45-minute drive to his home, rather than him coming to meet her.
The lessons here are clear:
1) Value yourself and your date will value you more. Do the internal work to love yourself first. Relationships will follow.
2) Communicate well from the get go. This is a cornerstone of a good relationship.
3) Make sure you are on the same page from the start of your relationship. You want a long term relationship and he is in it for fun? You need to know that up front.
4) If it doesn’t feel right, talk about it. If it feels bad, it might be time to move on.
New doors will open. Someone will appreciate you for the wonder of you. The next one may just fall for your beautiful smile.
Do you have a story of closing one door and opening the door to a better relationship?
