I was a sloucher. When I was a teenager, my parents would always be correcting my posture, “Stand up straight, Sandy! Stop rounding your shoulders!” The constant criticism and pokes in my back actually made me slouch even more.
So why did I slouch? For one thing, I was a tall and lanky teenager. At age twelve, I had shot up to an inch shy of my adult height. At five feet five inches, I was one of the tallest in the seventh grade at my all-girls Junior High School. I had just moved to Baltimore from New Jersey and was terrified that I would not fit in. So I slouched. I figured if I made myself shorter, I would be less different and I would fit in better.
There was another new girl who joined the class that year, also from out of town. She was even taller than I was! And she stood up really straight. Ramrod, charm school, book-balanced-on-your-head straight. Her name was Sandy, too. My last name was Rosenblatt and hers was Rosenberg. Our names differed by only three letters, but our personalities couldn’t have been more dissimilar. Sandy Rosenberg was a sweet girl who was socially awkward. For me, it was social death to hang out with the socially challenged. I wanted nothing to do with her. I wanted to fit in so badly that I occasionally resorted to snobby or cruel behavior towards Sandy to improve my own social status.
The truth is, it didn’t take long for me to be swept up into the cool crowd. I was a trendy dresser, and I was very socially savvy. I knew how to say clever and funny things, and I was pretty good at softball and basketball. I was an artist, and my new friends admired the doodles that I sketched in class while others were taking notes. I cut classes that I hated and hid with my new friends in the girls’ bathroom, whispering and giggling with the coolest kids in the grade.
When I sit here as an adult reflecting back on my behavior as a teen, I am a bit mortified at some of the things I said and did in order to fit in. I now see that it was my lack of self-confidence that led to my slouching and my mean behavior. Regretfully, I was willing to give up on some of my core values, such as kindness and consideration, in order to be accepted by the cool ones. I now know how important it is to clarify the values that make up the essence of who I am and to live honestly and authentically by those principles. When I am living in alignment with what is truly at my core, I know that I live a happier and more fulfilling life. And I don’t really care so much about fitting in or pleasing others to do so. In fact, as I get older, I celebrate my differences, and I don’t care to fit in to the expectations of others. I stand taller as I live more fully into who I am meant to be.
I want to share a lovely quote that really speaks to my heart about the unique beauty that lives in each of us:
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action. And because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.” Martha Graham
As I type these words, I sit up straighter in my chair and feel my vertebrae crack into alignment. And I am making a declaration to my former slouch: You are not invited back into my life! The world looks a lot better now that I am straightened out and standing taller. All I need to do is remember that there is only one of me in all of time. And there is one thing that I know for sure; in order to live my most creative and true life, no slouches are allowed!
What declaration are you making to your former ’slouch’?
