When I say “holding back”, I mean just that, halting the negative comments for now, while I increase the positive ones. I am not advocating for parenting without rules. Quite the contrary. I do sit down with my kids and review the most important rules of the house, my expectations of them. I also honor their requests and needs and it's a dialogue. If rules are clear and consequences are also discussed and clear, there should be no need for a constant reminder. Clarity and follow through are key. Kids don't feel safe when they have the run of the house. They push us, but expect push back as well. I remember pushing my parents and being disappointed that they didn't push back.
Let me know how it goes. The good news: they grow up and become lovely adults. I have two who moved past the hair raising teen phase and we have a wonderful relationship. Hang in there!