Public Apology

by Sandy Weiner on December 28, 2009

I set out to write my blog to create positive solutions to life’s challenging moments. I consider myself lucky to be an optimistic, solution-oriented resourceful woman. I am blessed to have been able to focus on finding meaning in the challenges that I have faced in life. I always look to the possibilities, not the obstacles, in the problems I face. I have thus tried to write my blog with integrity and my intention was never to hurt anyone’s feelings.

My blog has become more personal over the last few months, and I have been writing a lot about my personal struggles with raising a teenager post-divorce. I did not do this with the intent to hurt my daughter or my ex, nor to get something off my chest and dump it on the public. My intention was not to rant about my victim state in an attempt to get people to sympathize with my situation. I write with the intent to share my experience in the hope that I can begin a dialogue with others who are going through similar issues. I write to inspire lively dialogue and solutions that work. I am curious to hear from my readers to see what strategies they have used that have helped them navigate through their tough times.

Sadly, I have learned that I my blogs have caused pain to members of my family. I have been asked to remove the blogs that speak about my children and my ex. With a lot of soul searching, I removed those blogs today. I have decided to refocus my blog, away from my family and towards my life coach practice. I have yet to come up with the exact direction, but I am grateful for the pause that I am taking. Although I am sad that I have caused pain, I am learning from this experience and refining my integrity.

I apologize if I have written anything offensive to anyone in my blog. I know that if I speak my truth about any topic, I am bound to anger a few people. While I can’t control how anyone interprets my words, I can control my sensitivity and my intention. I am publicly declaring that I will be more private about my private life. I will be more sensitive to my family’s needs. They are the most important people in my life, and I don’t want to cause them any more pain.

Please forgive me.

And I ask you, my readers, what you would like to see me focus on in the future?

Tagged as: accountability, life coach

  • ronnadetrick
    Sandy: This is such a fine line - that space between personal disclosure and privacy. I'm quite certain I've pushed its limits but have defaulted toward honesty; knowing that what I disclose is ultimately about me - it is mine to share. What I choose to discuss and disclose is from my perspective and reflects my thoughts, experiences, and emotions. People read blogs because they want to have their own thoughts/experiences/feelings normalized. Further, the ability and gift of taking your experiences and then applying learning and growth to them is just that: gift.

    At a more personal level, let me say that I've struggled with this myself - particularly in regards to my ex. But over the past three years I've decided increasingly to say what I want and need to say. (He is my ex after-all.) I know my highly-honed tendency toward speaking/writing just what's appropriate, what won't ruffle feathers, what will keep everyone around me comfortable. But in the process I have NOT articulated what I really feel. For me, that IS the line: telling the truth vs. editing. No more editing. Always the truth. My truth.

    I appreciate the vulnerability, honesty, and humility you expressed in the apology itself AND would not want you to ever feel like you have to edit or censor. These are your stories and they deserve to be told.
  • Ronna,

    I agree with you about the fine line we walk in blogging and disclosing our truths. It does take courage to face your truth, as you so eloquently wrote about in your blog today, and it takes a certain courage to know when to not disclose as well. I struggled with the decision to pull blog posts. I ended up saving them to a word file, and they are mine to deal with at a later date.

    I have known authors who wrote hurtful things about family members and friends in books, and the results were disastrous. People are no longer speaking to one another. I do believe that when we speak our truth with integrity, we will ruffle feathers. Some people are uncomfortable with the truth. Ultimately, I know I can't please everyone and I don't usually try. But I do care about my relationship with my kids, and if something I say will embarrass them, I won't post it in my blog.

    I still plan to speak my truth, but I am changing the course of my blog towards my mission of helping people stop playing small, realizing their potential, believing in themselves.

    Would you like to be interviewed for a future blog post?

    Happy New Year!
  • ronnadetrick
    Your mission is more than worthwhile, Sandy - and full of opportunity for more and more truthtelling...your own and others'! Beautiful.

    And yes, I'd love to be interviewed!

    Happy New Year to you!
  • Thanks so much for championing what I stand for, Ronna. That means a lot to me. I'll be in touch with you after the New Year to talk about the interview. I am excited that you said yes!
    Happy New Year!!
  • I am looking forward to it.
  • Sandy,

    I was drawn to your blog through your activity in the Nov. Create every day challenge. There is something very powerful about it and what you have to say, but I will admit that some of your posts made me feel a bit uncomfortable, in that they seemed overly personal to someone who did not know you that well.
    Not offensive.
    They did make me think, and they always seemed to come back to your topic point.

    I stuggle with the question of what is too personal, and what is appropriate. Due to the nature of my bog being about my journey as an artist and member of co-operative gallery, I have to watch my comments on the actions of the other artists. They can display a lot of what I see as negative behaviors, so it is a struggle for me at times to adress the issues. I have choosen to leave a few of my posts as drafts. A month after I have written them, I re-evaluate them, are they still pertinate? Is it something I would hand the individual I was writing about? If the answer is Yes to the first, and no to the second, I decide if the post can be rewritten without the personal references, and I give it another week. Only when I can say Yes, Yes does the post get made. If the answer to the first question is no, then I just delete. I have one Thanksgiving post that I am saving to next year, as it will be appropriate then.
    And now you know why somedays, all there is on my blog is one of my current or previous works of art.

    I know this is not as supportive as some of the other comments, but I hope you will find it helpful. I appreciate your appology, and how difficult it must be to have made it. I hope your family appreciates the effort as one of repentance and reconciliation. I work for a divorce lawyer, so I know just how difficult split family situations can be, and distructive they can be.

    Your final question of what would I like to see you focus on in the future.
    On your home page the following question is what made me start to follow your blog.
    Do you yearn to make a difference and leave your mark in the world? So naturally more of that would be what I am looking for. Best wishes with the refocus.
    Rennata
  • Rennata,

    Your response was so heartfelt and well thought out. I love that you were honest. It means a lot to me. Your advice about the "yes, yes" response to whether it is still pertinent and whether it will not offend someone is perfect for me going forth. I will remember your sage wisdom.

    Divorce is hard, but being true to your integrity is also challenging. This was a tough thing for me to hear, but ultimately, it is about doing what's right, and my youngest would not like reading what I wrote about her. I wasn't being sensitive enough to her needs.

    I appreciate that you also gave me a place to refocus. I have been thinking a lot about what it would look like to blog about leaving our mark in the world and making a difference. I am thinking about people I would interview, questions I would ask. I am excited to start again.

    Stay tuned....
    xo
    Sandy
  • Please don't feel bad! You have been consciously sharing your experience and your pain, being open about the energy in your life. That's important!

    In this instance, it isn't WHAT you wrote about but WHO you wrote about. Someone (I'm guessing the ex) doesn't appreciate being a muse for personal growth and development.

    You haven't directly identified him or your daughter, they are simply identified relationally to you. The rest of us on the internet have no idea who they are.

    Of course, be careful and sensitive about what you share but as long as you are keeping close to your purpose I see NO problem with sharing the issues you have been wrestling with. At some point, we've all wrestled with those issues!

    You should have an outlet to express yourself and to consciously and mindfully face your experience. I would hate for you to lose that!

    You haven't been gossiping or badmouthing your family, simply expressing - with the full measure of your honesty - the challenges which you have been facing. Life coaches have LIVES and I think that showing how you are triumphing personally can help others.

    The decision, as always, is yours but I really wanted to tell you that you haven't violated anyone's privacy! If having a blog means that you never share anything personal than almost no one would blog. Personal matters.

    Please don't feel railroaded into feeling like you've done something wrong.
  • Hayden,

    Thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging response to my post. I did agonize over the idea of pulling posts (I moved them to a word file so I have a copy for my own use). I struggled with the idea of pleasing everyone, which is not my intention and if you live a life of integrity, you know you need to be true to yourself first. I always try to be. And I agree, being personal is what makes blogs so compelling to read. But it is a fine line we bloggers walk, the balance between keeping it real and interesting and saying hurtful things about others when we bring them into our blogs unwittingly.
    I will continue to be personal and real.
    and I thank you for standing up for what really matters.
    It means a lot to me!
    I love your blog, by the way. I just started reading some posts. Great writing.
    Sandy
  • SB
    WOW!!!!!!! Did that take courage! I always admired you and looked up to you for all you have done to make a difference in my life and in the life of others. Your last blog entrance was over the top. It is so difficult to appologize to someone, but to do it in public is the highest form of appology. Your family should be so proud and thankful that they have such a caring role model.
    Thank you for setting such a good example for all to follow. Your'e the best!!
  • Thanks for your kind words, Sharyn. They warm my heart.
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