I never considered myself a leader. As a second child, I was a follower of my sister for many years. My big sister used all sorts of clever bribery, such as handmade coloring books to persuade me to leave her and her best friend alone. My earliest recollections are of being behind a door, shut out once again from the action, told to go away. I am not sure at what point I shifted into a leadership role, but there was definitely a change in me as I grew up.
I became a leader by default, one who would step up when others fell apart. One incident that stands out in my memory is of a road trip to Florida when I was in my twenties. I drove down with a friend and her co-worker, a cute guy who I had a little crush on. We all took turns on the 24-hour drive down, and on the way back home to New York, things were a little more challenging. I broke my toe on the beach right before we left. I didn’t yet know it was broken, but the pain in my right big toe was throbbing and constant. The martyr in me refused to let that get in the way of contributing to the driving, and we all took turns during the daylight hours of the long drive back. Late at night, the other two drivers conked out and were unable to stay awake.
Sandy to the rescue! Throbbing toe and all, I drove through the night while the other passengers snored away in the back seat. There was a point when the trees began to look like characters in a story book, as I snapped myself out of hallucinations of talking trees more than a few times! In retrospect, it was probably not the smartest decision for me to take over the wheel and drive when I, too, was exhausted beyond belief. Nonetheless, I made a commitment to step up to the plate and come through when everyone else gave up, a leader by default, unable to see a sinking ship go down.
When my son, Avi, was born in 1986, I found a new strength as a leader, advocating for him and learning about his rare disease, about which most doctors knew very little. My husband had a hard time coping with the stress of our sweet son’s illness, and by default, I became the “doctor”, orchestrating surgeries when no other doctor oversaw his overall treatment, deciding on treatments that I felt were best for him, sometimes going against doctors’ advice. I discovered that I had an intuitive sense of what was best for my Avi, and I followed my good instincts and took charge.
Necessity is great motivator. In Pirkei Avot, the Ethics of the Fathers, (2:6) HillleI taught; in a place where there are no leaders, try to be a leader. He inferred that a person must rise to the occasion and fill the void of leadership if one exists. He/she must lead others by example. There is a responsibility of leadership to fill a need, and this is the type of leader I had been.
A few years ago, I realized that if I could be a leader to fill the void of leadership, I could also be a leader by choice. With the help of my life coach, I discovered innate leadership skills that I possessed and worked on leadership skills that still needed some honing. I continue to be a work in progress, but stepping up to a leadership role, expressing my voice, and creating systemic change in the world have become my passion and life work. It feels so much better to take a more active role in choosing leadership, not only stepping up to leadership when others fall apart around me.
What type of leadership role do you play in your life?
