I have always struggled with the meaning of prayer. I believe I am not alone in this struggle. Some questions that I have grappled with are: How can prayers written so many years ago be meaningful to me today? How can the more abstract prayers relate to my life? Is it really important for me to say the actual words of a prayer, or is it okay to make up my own? What’s important about praying in a congregation vs. praying alone?I began studying prayer this year with my Rabbi on Tuesday mornings, and with a woman named Bracha (which means prayer in Hebrew!) on Thursday mornings. I get a different perspective from each of my teachers. So far, I am enjoying the learning and appreciate prayer in a new light. For example, in the Jewish tradition, the first thing we say upon awakening is a prayer of thanksgiving for returning our soul to our bodies. We believe that the soul departs during sleep and it is a gift to have it returned in the morning.
The next prayer is about the physical being. We express gratitude that all of our body parts are functioning, because if any orifice becomes closed, we could die. This prayer that we say as we exit the bathroom has been meaningful to me ever since my first child was born without an opening in his anus and with kidneys that were compromised. I fully appreciated my own ability to function normally from that day forth.
And so it goes, the prayers fluctuate between connecting to and appreciating body and soul. It’s important to have a balance of both. I can certainly relate to that!
I brought a sketch pad with me to yesterday’s class with Bracha. After class, she asked if I was so bored that I drew throughout the class. I answered that it was quite the contrary. I listen better when I draw, and have always doodled in class. After watching a video short about zentangles yesterday, I was inspired to pick up my pen and again draw these doodles that I have been drawing all my life.
I believe that the essence of the soul is transmitted to the page when the artist is in a meditative state, which is what happens to me when I doodle in this free form way. I think doodling in this manner is genetic in our family. I have done it for as long as I remember, my ex-husband did it, and now at least two of my kids make beautiful art doodles as well. At the end of my 21 year old daughter’s gap year at a school in Israel three years ago, the principal of the school acknowledged each of the students in a very personal way. He told my daughter that she always doodled in his class, and her drawings captured the essence of what he was trying to convey, deeper than any notes could have. She called me later that day with tears in her eyes, and as she retold the story of the acknowledgment, it was apparent how deeply she was moved. “I feel seen,” she claimed, and I was so moved that someone so young could feel seen and appreciated for who she really was. I don’t think I felt truly seen until I was at least in my forties!
I encourage you to express the essence of your soul, no matter the means of expression. Whether it be through art, music, dance, writing, whatever form it takes, it is important to express who you really are and how you see the world.
How do you express the essence of your soul?
