In the movie, Kung Fu, the Blind Master Po was asked a question by his favorite student Kwai Chang Caine. “Master, how is it you are blind and yet you see?” Master Po answered, “How is it you can see but do not?”. He instructs his student, “Open up your other senses, listen to the life around you… the sounds of the running brook, the birds, and the Grasshopper at your feet…” From that point on Caine was known as Grasshopper to Master Po.
I have been called Grasshopper by a man whom I met a month a half ago on JDate, the online dating site that I reluctantly joined. He and another man were the primary impetus for my joining. They both intrigued me as their profiles set them apart as more intelligent, warm, and deep than other men on the site.
“N” and I became close, and our relationship intensified in a short period of time. He was concerned about one main issue; I had just re-entered the dating world two months earlier. My divorce was final only two years ago, and he felt that I needed to explore, to be a grasshopper and have relationships with more men after a 25-year dating hiatus. He didn’t want me to commit to a relationship with him, and further down the road regret not having dated more men.
Amused by the reference to grasshopper, I was grateful for his ability to set me free, even as we were becoming closer every day. His generosity of spirit served as a magnet to me and brought me even closer to him. It is easy for me to feel suffocated in certain relationships. It is important to my sense of autonomy that a man be able to stand firmly on his own in order for us to have a healthy relationship. Too much dependency leads to an unbalanced relationship. And after feeling trapped in an unsuccessful marriage, the last thing I want is to feel that the air is closing in on me.
I remember how this quote hit home the first time I heard it as a teenager:
“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” |
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It was the first time that I really thought about what true love is and what it is not. Today, I feel that love is about two people coming together who fit well, fill in missing gaps, yin and yang, laughter, attraction, shared values and a common reality. What isn’t love? Trapped, suffocated, taking up all the space in the room, weighing and measuring, tit for tat. It is not lust, although it might begin as that, or one person overpowering the other. It is about comfort and tension at the same time. A push and pull, exciting and relaxing, where you can totally be accepted for who you are. It is primarily about trust. Without trust, there is no love.
When I am allowed to be a grasshopper, my true colors begin to emerge. Knowing that I am free to go allows me the freedom to stay.
Where is the grasshopper in you? What happens when you are allowed permission to be a grasshopper?
