I frightened a potential client yesterday. During our half-hour coaching consultation, I encouraged her to dream big, really big, no holds barred, forget reality. I had to stop her a few times, as she was getting stuck on all the things she would need to do before she realized her dream, such as research, more schooling, yada yada. Finally, with encouragement, the dream was revealed, and the resonance in her voice increased exponentially. Even though we were on the phone, it felt like the room was suddenly filled with a rainbow of possibilities. When you tap into your passion, your life expands to meet the vision.
But something else started to happen. Fear entered the room and wanted to stand in the way of the dream. In coaching, we call this the gremlin or saboteur. We all have one or two of these lurking around (maybe more), waiting to pounce on our joy. One of the saboteur’s jobs is to keep us safe, but in so doing, it also keeps us small and holds us back from reaching our potential. When we learn to tame our gremlin, we can move past our fears and self-limiting beliefs and reach some of our loftiest goals.
When this potential client and I finished our coaching consult, I asked her if she was ready to begin coaching. Her first response was that she wasn’t sure how committed she was to this dream. I asked her how she would feel if she went to her dying day never having risked and tried. What if she never experienced the full impact that she could have on people by realizing this dream. (And believe me, she could have a great impact on so many who share her same struggles). She said she would be okay with that. I believed in her dream, but if she did not, coaching could not work. And then I addressed her fear. I told her that even if through coaching she did not realize this huge dream, there were so many other benefits to the coaching process that I think would serve her well. Even if we only tackled the fear that was rearing its ugly head in this moment. This is actually a huge thing to tackle, as most of us struggle with our saboteurs on a daily basis. Imagine what life would be like without that monster holding us back?
Breaking down the coaching process into a bite size chunk that she could swallow was just the right thing to do. I recognized that she needed to wrap her head around a doable goal, not one so lofty that it felt out of reach. I often get so excited about someone’s dream that it can scare the dreamer. I am not struggling with their saboteur as it’s not my life or my dream. So it’s easier for me to see the dream in living color. Through coaching, the dreamer gets more comfortable with the reality of their vision and passion. Broken down into baby steps, a dream is within reach.
There is a classic book called Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson. It was required reading in my coaching courses. Here’s the first step in taming your gremlin: Notice it. Just observe your gremlin when it shows up. It’s helpful if you give it a name and face. I like to draw mine or make it out of clay. Whatever works for you, the more detail the better. Write a paragraph about your gremlin.
More on taming your gremlin in a future post. Back to your harriest and scariest goals: get your gremlin out of the way, and you just might become the person you were meant to be. What a wonderful planet this would be if we lived our lives from that place!
What is your big dream?
